


How Do You Say the P Word in England?

by leavephryneforme



Category: Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-30 15:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12656685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leavephryneforme/pseuds/leavephryneforme
Summary: Jack is forced to liaise with American and English law enforcement. Please, don’t laugh. This is serious.





	1. An American Detective Gets Upset

“I don’t understand. I’m not trying to be rude, but it seems ridiculous. It sort of pisses me off.”

Ashworth looked confused, “Why?”

“She’s a great detective. Maybe the best. yet Stanhope is stuck with you. No. No. Don’t talk. She could be passing her knowledge on to someone... smarter, more something ... Fuck ... Don’t talk. Where I come from, you would be called a ‘pussy.’ In England, I’m not sure. My Mom is English. Doesn’t make me an expert, but I think you might be called a ‘Big Girl’s Blouse.’ Seriously, are you even slightly embarrassed that you didn’t fight harder for your boss ... and she has to explain everything, I mean everything to you?”

“Hang on ...”

“You’re speaking? Stop. Do you know what pisses me off more than anything?”

He was too afraid to speak.

“I’m an Ashworth. My Mom is McAndrew. My Nan is Ashworth. The thought that I’m related to you even 500 years ago ... OMG ... open the fucking window, Hathaway, I’m gonna throw myself out.”

The police behind the mirror were laughing. Jack looked at them sternly. They stopped laughing.


	2. I Promise That Chapter 3 Will be Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I fell down the stairs. I’m in pain. I wish there was a detective in love with me. A parrot is in love with me. Open the window. I’m throwing myself out.

The American detective was a good interrogator. She was attractive in a way. Most men were terrified of her. That sucked. 

Her Mom and her sister despaired of her at times. “Smile at a man once in awhile. It doesn’t matter if you’re smarter than him. It will do you good.”

“What? Mom, stop. I’m not listening to this.”

Her sister said, “She could be right. It might do you good.”

“Why would you say that Mom is right about anything? I want to talk to my nephews. Where is Zane, where is Rowan, where is Vincent?”


	3. We Are Going yo Melbourne Because Boston is Freezing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so cold. I am delirious. The bird is not cold. I’m thinking, ‘Je te plumeria.’ That’s how cold I am right now. She could share her feathers. JK  
> Also more detectives and private investigators. The more the merrier, maybe. Not sure. Sorry.

I am so cold. Can I have a blanket, please, please, God, so cold. It’s 21 degrees right now. I just googled it.

Welcome to New England. How did settlers come here and not just immediately turn around and go back? It is so cold, I’m dying. Fuck.

Stop saying Fuck.

Why? It’s a good word.

Hi Regan. You are so sweet. Are you cold. Of course not. You have feathers. I am fucking freezing. Oh, and no one in my household is smart enough to get out of bed and turn up the fucking heat. Oh wait, it just warmed up to 23 degrees. Great. Wait, where does that handsome detective live? Melbourne? What’s the temperature in Melbourne?

70 degrees, boss.

Pack. Get the jet fueled. We are going to Melbourne. Don’t warn him. We’ll surprise him. Forget packing. We’ll buy what we need when we get there. Call Lennie. Tell him we need help.

Lennie? That old guy? 

He might be old, but Briscoe is a great detective. Call him.

Anyone else boss? What about that PI? Magnum? The one you sold the older Ferrari to.

That’s a good idea. We could use him. He’s in Hawaii. He could be in Melbourne before we get there. Call him. Ask him if he want’s to buy the 348. That might sweeten the deal. Tell him it’s red. Everybody loves red.

Yes, boss.

**Author's Note:**

> Should probably explain a few things in case some readers may not be addicted to ...
> 
> Stanhope is an amazing English modern DI. Her Sargent is Joe Ashworth.
> 
> The name thing ... I am an Ashworth. Woot.
> 
> I first heard the term ‘Big Girls Blouse’ on the Clive Bull show on LBC. OMG That was a funny show.


End file.
